🧘 How to be present: A Guide to Living in the Now

Have you ever found yourself completely absorbed in a task, where time seems to stand still and the world around you fades away? That's the power of presence, and it's exactly what we're unpacking in this week's episode. 

Join me as we navigate the practical steps to embody presence in our lives, from the adrenaline rush of rock climbing to the simple but impactful act of writing things down. We're not just talking about concepts; we're transforming them into a tangible roadmap for your life.

Strap in, because we're taking a deep look at how presence can be summoned on demand, offering you a sense of control over your emotions and your mind's narrative. 

It's a journey of recognising that the quest for presence isn't always quiet meditation—it can be found in the driver's seat of a race car or in the intricate details of a wedding. But, it's also in the everyday, the mundane moments that we often overlook. This episode is your toolkit for engaging with every slice of life, ensuring you're not just going through the motions, but truly living.

By the end of our conversation, I promise you'll walk away with a new practice that's as simple as it is transformative—writing down your thoughts daily to declutter your mind. It's not just about being organized; it's about enhancing your focus, decision-making, and ability to be fully present. We'll explore how this practice leads to a more fulfilling life and how it prevents the common regret of missing out on the beauty of the present. So, get ready to embrace the profound art of presence and discover how it can lead to a life of depth, connection, and true engagement with the world around you. Welcome to a conversation that might just change the way you experience every moment from here on out.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome back to this week's episode. As always, I'm your host, christina Modafari, and today well, this week we're going to discuss becoming more present, getting into the now and how to do that practically. Because, as you know, with a lot of spiritual literature it is constantly preaching that and it's very well should be preaching that, because it is probably one of the most important and impactful things that we could possibly do for ourselves Like, truly feel, like getting into the present moment. Getting into the now pretty much will solve almost any problem there is. But I think the part that spirituality literature lacks is the practicality of it. You know, for example, I fucking love Eckhart Tolle doing it me wrong like.

Speaker 1: 0:51

I started studying his work just under 10 years ago and I thought it was brilliant. It's just that it took me a long time to actually figure out how to make that practical, even though I read the second book. So he has he's got a few books but referring to the power of now, that's the first book. He then wrote another version of that, like a sequel, called Practicing the Power of Now. That's half the size. It's really good to like, use to like exactly what it suggests to be more practical. But then, even then I felt like this was a long time ago, but I did feel like at the time, or it's like, but I still struggle to be practical.

Speaker 1: 1:29

So I really wanted to create an episode for you guys, so that you can actually use the present moment, get into the present moment in a way where it's not like this, you're not arming and aring, like you actually know what to do. And the way that I'm going to teach you this is actually by helping you actually first identify what it actually feels like to be present and to be in the moment, to be in the now, because that's actually the reason why a lot of people struggle to be present is that they actually don't really know what it feels like, what the signs are, and so, naturally, if we can't track something or we have no awareness of the outcome, like what it actually looks and feels like, of course we can't do it. So it's not so much that the spiritual literature is necessarily lacking in the practicality, but it is lacking practicality as a byproduct of the fact that it doesn't really share what it feels like literally to be so present in the moment. And so that's where I'm going to come in. I'm going to actually make it very crystal clear for you so that you'll actually be able to know when you're present when you're not.

Speaker 1: 2:47

Now I'm going to give you a heads up game that you might be slightly disappointed, because I find that nine times out of 10, when I teach people what being present and being in the present now really feels like they've learned that they are almost never present and it's like this bittersweet sort of experience for them because it's like on one hand, they are so grateful that they now know how to become more present, but on the other hand, it's bit of a sense of grief to sort of reflect and be like shit. I've sort of like been sleep, walking through my life despite being conscious, if you get me, and that's the awkward part. The awkward part would be for those of us who have spent years in this world, like in terms of like the spirituality world, personal development world. It doesn't really matter what angle you have approached this, probably both most likely. What can be really hard is that you've learned all the knowledge you have all the morals, you have all of the values, but by you not actually living by it, it can be a bit of a shock to the ego and it can seriously feel like a literal sense of grief because you're sort of humbled back into this sense of far out, like maybe I did get a little bit of a spiritual ego, because I know that happened to me as well.

Speaker 1: 4:13

It's happened to so many of my clients when I used to work with people one on one same, with my students in the Sim Academy that stands for self image mastery Academy. That is like an online virtual Academy to truly master your own independence, to master your self image for madly and love yourself and completely collapse time into the direction and the goals that you want to go for. And so that's something that I have experienced a lot, both me personally and like just through working with other people. So what being present actually feels like is let me actually give you examples of moments. I know for a fact that you've been present and then we're going to walk our way up into learning how to do that on demand, and then I'm going to go into the last section, which will be I'll cover yet like what it feels like in different moments.

Speaker 1: 5:09

So, do you know, when you do something really cool, such as like rock climbing, or you go skydiving, like something that's like borderline dangerous not dangerous, that's the wrong word but I mean something that takes your full awareness, full attention, full awareness. So I want you to think back. So it doesn't have to be rock climbing, because not everyone's done that, it can even just be when you, the first few moments, when you are on the beach and you're on the sand and you first dip your toes in and then you dunk your body in, and that wave of sort, of, that shock of like the coldness maybe of the water hitting your skin, that moment when nothing exists but how cold you are, or how intensity is, and or how much energy and effort it takes to be careful with where you put your right hand, if you're rock climbing and whatever else. Right, these are all examples of being present, and another one would be like if you're on a roller coaster ride, or you know, when you drive, if you're ever a race car driver, when you drive really fast. So I'm using these examples because these are very easy examples that I feel like people can straight away, at the very least, conceptualize like, even if they haven't experienced it.

Speaker 1: 6:38

But most of the time, everyone has in some way experienced this level of intensity of being present and it's because, no matter how unconscious someone is, no matter how spiritual someone is, like it literally doesn't matter. Every single person can relate to this kind of way that I'm explaining this, and the reason why we get really present and in the now with these scenarios is more so out of survival and necessity. For example, if you're rock climbing, it's probably not a good idea to plan out what you're having for dinner tomorrow while also figuring out why stakes are giving you a greasy after work, right? So it's just one of those things. And so you know, when you hear about people, maybe you're one of them who are sort of like low key adrenaline junkies. That's all it is. They're not. How I see it is that they're actually trying so hard to get present in their life, without even realizing it, and they find the only way that they can actually achieve that is through seeking out adrenaline triggering activities.

Speaker 1: 7:50

And so this is actually why people have a problem with meditation, because they are constantly saying things like oh, meditation's up for me, I can't just shut off my thinking, and no offense, guys, but if this is you like, I think that you might just feel a little bit. I think it might be a bit of a, I guess, coping mechanism, because it is like sort of a superiority complex where almost you feel a bit more superior or important If you can say that you can't meditate, almost like you're above it. You know, and I'm not saying that to shame you, I'm sharing that to give you that awareness, because I don't think anyone is intentionally doing that. But the second you have that awareness, it's no longer controlling you and it's actually going to be the only way that you can begin to be present. Because I'm not saying you have to meditate. What I'm saying is that maybe don't wear it as a badge of honor that you're struggling to be regulated, because if you can't, I guess, or if you're not comfortable in just sitting around with your thoughts, then that's something that you need to acknowledge. You know, because that's not a regulated nervous system. You know that's not healthy and so you want to be able to get to a point where you can be alone of your thoughts, you know, and so this is the in between. So when someone is actually rock climbing, they get to be present by with bypassing those thoughts or the discomfort of what's going through someone's mind.

Speaker 1: 9:26

Yeah, and so if you say you can't meditate. If you're telling me or to your friends that you struggle to just not think, but you have any. At least once in your life been rock climbing or done something that was really intense, like I don't know, be in a fricking race car or come a really bad examples. But you get my point. If you've been in a really intense situation where you have to be present, then you are capable of meditation. It's just that you just don't understand what it requires and you're attached to your thoughts.

Speaker 1: 10:00

Ironically, because when what happens when we're present by accident, such as these events, it's just that your brain has gone. We actually to survive this situation, we don't have the mental capacity to be thinking about our worries, so we're just going to completely let that go, so that all that exists is now and so, when you can get to that point without having to rely on a, I guess, adrenaline triggering situation, you now have genuine power where you can access the now on demand, at any time, and that should be the goal. And so, like I said, what it feels like when you're present is that you are so here that you're not racing to get anywhere else, you're not idealizing the future, no matter how I guess unpleasant your present moment is, and you're also not dwelling on the past. And so what that can feel like to someone who has grown up in a chaotic environment or someone with anxiety, for instance, or even someone who's depressed, is the idea of letting go of the idealization of the future or the dwelling of the past. Or what's to cook for dinner tomorrow night, what to buy Auntie Fred next week for a birthday.

Speaker 1: 11:24

You subconsciously fear that if you let go of these thoughts, that you're going to lose control and that something bad's going to happen. That's all it is. And if you can fight that urge and that primitive instinct and tell yourself this feels dangerous to let go of these thoughts because I don't want to forget them and all the things. But it's not true. If you can just literally get to a point where you can just fight your primitive instinct and be in control of your body and nervous system, you'll become a present person. But I will warn you at the beginning, especially if you have anxiety, especially if you have ADHD, especially if you have a lot of responsibilities in your life, such as if you're a CEO, an entrepreneur, a manager, a parent, something that has a lot of high demands that are caught upon, you will always be the ones who are at risk of struggling with being present.

Speaker 1: 12:28

And so, if we can start understanding again what it is, again, it's literally just you just letting go of the need to control something that's not happening right now. So when we hold on to these thoughts, it's giving us a sense of false safety. It's enabling our anxiety. And so, as an example, so if you're constantly struggling to quieten your mind and just be present, literally just as an example, be bored and hate boredom and can't find yourself to just simply look at a candle flame or just stare at nature, if that's really hard for you, then that's just because that is just anxiety, and a lot of people it's not even about having anxiety disorder anymore. I feel like that word has just lost its meaning because, just being in this environment and this society, a lot of people are just going to be at risk of having anxiety in some way.

Speaker 1: 13:35

But you need to understand what it feels like, what it looks like, you need to see both sides, you need to know when you are present and when you're not, and so if, for whatever reason, you have anything else on your mind other than the thing that's in front of you. You're not being present, and that's okay. It all starts with awareness, and so just remember this. If you're someone who struggles to let go of control because it does make you feel unsafe, I want you to know you're not alone. It's a very common thing. I've even gone through it myself and it's still something I'm always strengthening for myself.

Speaker 1: 14:12

But just be aware that when you're not present, it's just you're thinking about something that's not happening right now and how. I want you to sort of experience this in this moment. I want you to sort of actually get a full body experience, as always. And so, wherever you're doing right now, whether you're driving I've looked at the insights I found that most people listen to this while they are on their phone, while they're driving, and so, if you're driving, just be aware right now of your environment. Let look at the road you're driving on, be aware of the steering wheel around your hand. If you're not driving, just wherever you are. If you're on your work break, you're going for a walk, event just for a moment.

Speaker 1: 14:58

Say in your mind or out loud where you are, what you hear and what you see. Now I want you to actually notice how uncomfortable it was to let go because, in order to answer those questions, you did have to let go of what was on your mind prior to me saying that. Notice, in those moments where you had to answer that question of where you are, what you see, what you hear and whatever, see that feeling of oh I don't know if this feels a bit weird, to let go of that thought, because I don't want to forget that thought or whatever there was a sense of almost very mild danger. Right, and it's not, but that is what it is. That's you not being present. If you had to let go of something, then you weren't being present. It's not the same.

Speaker 1: 15:53

If you're really present in this podcast, if you're really, really engaged in this, then that's not the same thing. You are still present, even if you weren't aware of your surroundings. That much so. Really being present is just because, for example, if you were having a conversation with your partner, your friend, you were that present. The same. You were present listening to this podcast. You're still being present. You're present with them. But I'm also talking about if you were not, that you're sort of like tuning in now or passively listening to this episode and you also weren't aware of your surroundings, you weren't present. But if you were either aware, fully aware, and engage in this episode, then you were present. And if you were fully and or if you were fully engaged in your surroundings, you were also present either or yeah. But essentially I wanted you to feel that and recognize that, because a lot of the time people they aren't present, they think they are, they say they are, but they're simply not. They're listening to their friend talk while also judging them by accident and not realizing it or comparing themselves to them. You're not being present.

Speaker 1: 17:06

If you're sitting there having a conversation, nodding your head and excited to say your response, it's not true presence and, if you can, when you can master presence, which in this case would look like, for example, when you're talking to a friend, presence would be fighting, the urge to actually say out loud everything that's going through your mind, yeah, and just simply listening. And it should feel like, if you're someone who's anxious at the beginning, it will feel borderline, dangerous. It will feel like you've lost control because you have, you're trying to like, by you holding on to these thoughts of the future or of a response to a friend. It's not real control, it's fake control. You actually confuse anxiety for control. Yeah, because real control actually feels to your nervous system like you have no control because you that's what it feels like at the beginning. But if you're someone who has a you know, a regulated nervous system, then letting go of control feels safe because and that's real control Because if you're now no longer a prisoner to you know feelings of the past, thoughts of the past, thoughts of the future then you're in control. The magic is happening now, life is happening now and time will actually go slower Because the more present you are it's almost like a sense of your psychological time clock you start to experience the moment better and you're calm, you're grounded, you're regulated. Yeah, like this literally regulates you and that's where it begins. That's why I'm saying like it's really important that you know what it is and you know what it isn't.

Speaker 1: 18:56

Again, when you are rock climbing, you have to be present, right, and it just your brain is sort of just tricked into believing that it's not presence, that it's not the same as simply staring at a tree, only because when you're staring at a tree, most likely you are safe. There's no adrenaline, there's no I wouldn't say there's no dopamine, but it's not the same as like the adrenaline and the other chemicals that are coming out. When you, again, are rock climbing, when you're like 10, I don't even know my measurements, but high in the air, like a 10 foot in the air, 100 foot in the air, somewhere really high, right, and so when you're but it's the same thing If, imagine, you're really, really high and you're at a rock climbing center and you're about to hit the top, you, what are you thinking about? And if you've never done it, just imagine it. What would you be thinking about? You'd be like okay, where do I put my right hand? Okay, what I'm going to do if I need to hold this muscle, squeeze this muscle. Okay, I need to really watch my hand. I, you know coordination. These are your thoughts, are they not? Or when you're skydiving, same thing, okay, just be, just just breathe. Just okay, just just focus, enjoy this, embrace this. Like, oh, this is not right, you're present.

Speaker 1: 20:13

If you're a race car driver such a random and bad example, because the chances of you being one is probably so low, but anyway, we'll work with it If you're driving, you're thinking about, okay, okay, like, where's my next turn when I want to turn the gears, like where's my foot. You are just fully immersed in the present moment. That is no different to you, to you looking at a tree and going, wow, look at that brown trunk, look at that beautiful green leaves, look at the way it reflects itself against the sun. I, oh, the smell, the rain. What's the difference, guys? There's nothing. There's no difference, besides one thing, and it has nothing to do with it, with with.

Speaker 1: 20:54

I guess it's not a life changing difference is what I'm trying to say, as, in the real, the only difference is is one of them is life threatening and you're under stress, and the other is you're calm and you're regulated, like that's really the only difference, and so we want to be able to be, not rely on, on adrenaline chasing activities, for us to be present, because this is where this is where we start to create mental illness in our society, where we start to be, in practice, in unhealthy escapism. You know, it's like when we start to crave the now, but that's all it is. Every urge, every quote, unquote, bad habit or escapism, it is seriously just your brain trying to get to the present moment. Yeah, that's all it's trying to do when someone is obsessed with, you know, dirt bike racing and playing sport or something like they are actually just craving to be in the moment. That's it, that's. There's nothing more sexy than that.

Speaker 1: 21:58

Again, if you're playing sport, you have no choice but to concentrate on on the ball. And where to where to you know? Shoot the basket. What team player are you going to hand the ball over to? You know like these are just easy ways of doing it, but what I'm saying is you don't have to rely on playing basketball, going rock climbing or driving a race car in order for you to get that presence. You can get that anytime. You can get that in the time, you can get that in the toilet, you can get that at work, it doesn't matter. You just, but just know that you enjoy the present. You enjoy it. You're what we all do. We're craving it. You just need to know how to enjoy it and being control of it when you're not being seduced by unhealthy dopamine.

Speaker 1: 22:54

You know, when you hear people say, oh, like I went out and I got my mind off things and now I feel so much better, they say that and they're the same people who probably complain that they can't meditate when really they did the same thing, you know. The difference is, when you meditate traditionally, you don't have something to distract you. It's sort of like you automatically get that sort of let go of the thoughts. But it's the same thing and I'm bringing this up again it's to empower you, to show you that you can do it. You can get into the present moment. You do it all the time.

Speaker 1: 23:28

Like I said, if you've been to a party and you were engaged and you enjoyed yourself, you forgot about your problems. You came home, you've been present before. You've done it, you know, and so I want you to. What I want you to take away from this is understanding what being present is and what it isn't. That you actually want it, that you're capable of doing it, absolutely capable of doing it, and the only reason why it might have felt like you weren't capable of doing it is simply because of that thing that I told you about earlier, where you're just afraid to let go of the thoughts, whereas when you're going to play basketball, for instance so random again you will let go of the thoughts of you know, what am I cooking for dinner tomorrow night? What am I buying current next week? Because, well, it's just obvious. Do you know what I mean. It's normal quote unquote normal and expected, but sitting down and letting go just feels a bit strange and I get that and I appreciate that. I'm just saying you can still do it. You don't have to be engaged in a exciting or a mentally stimulating activity to get present, despite it being easier to do so. I'm just trying to remind you of your power and encourage you to practice being present because you know, when you I don't know it's not like a big event that you put a lot of pressure on yourself for Like I find that's very common for weddings like someone who has a wedding, like, as they say, whenever you ask them like oh, did you enjoy it?

Speaker 1: 24:55

And if they were honest with you, a lot of the time, like, the honest answer would usually be like look, it was beautiful, but I just didn't feel like I was present. I felt like I blinked and the day was gone and that's just a sign that they weren't present. You know, doesn't that make sense? Because they were. Obviously it's very expected and understandable they were thinking about did the flowers arrive on time? Have you know the parents? Did their parents arrive on time? Did the guests sit in the proper seat. Did the guests like the food? Did the guests enjoy the music? Oh my God, where did the event manager go?

Speaker 1: 25:28

These are the thoughts possibly going through the bride or the groom's mind probably the bride you know all day. So of course, that's the opposite of being present. They weren't those thoughts, weren't? Oh, like, look at the beautiful flower. Oh, I love looking at, you know, my amazing bride or husband. And look, look, I love his dress. Oh, I love how this dress feels. I mean, do you see the difference here? Like, people think that being present means having zero thought, and that's not true. It is not true. It's such a myth. Being present is still having thoughts, but it's having thoughts relevant to the present moment. So or and or completely being immersed into something else that you don't even need to think. So let me give you a really quick example. It could be example one there's I call.

Speaker 1: 26:20

I believe that presence has two stages. Stage one of presence is like looking at a tree and going that's a beautiful tree. Look at the way the sun is glaring on the leaves. Look at that nice shadow it's creating. Those birds sound so gorgeous. I love the smell of the rainforest right. That's part like type one, that they're still having thoughts, but it's purely relevant to the present moment and what's in front of them.

Speaker 1: 26:44

And then there's type two presence, which is a little bit deeper, if not a lot deeper, where the person is so in awe it's now bringing in emotion, so then the thoughts stop, like it's no longer like. These thoughts of, oh, look at the tree, that's so beautiful. It's a feeling now, and that's very, very, very deep presence. And that's usually the one that's easily, yeah, easily activated when we're doing those adrenaline seeking or adrenaline triggering activities such as rock climbing and race car driving and skydiving right, because it's transcending your thoughts now, just like, if you're not necessarily having a conversation in your mind, it's literally you're moving, you're just feeling that you have, you're here, you're fully here, and that's like the deep level of presence. And again, it's transcending thought because Now, using that same example, you're looking at the tree, you're so in awe of the tree, you feel this connection to that bloody tree that you're not having to have thoughts of, oh, look at that brown trunk. Oh, look at that. You know there's green leaves and the sun glaring on the leaves and look at the shadow and the birds. It's a feeling now You're, you're, you have become the present moment, and that's usually the only kind of being in the now and presence that spiritual literature talks about, and it completely ignores the type one or stage one of presence, and they're both important, they're absolutely both important.

Speaker 1: 28:14

I think it's impractical to expect yourself to fully be immersed in the present moment 24-7. I just don't think that that's necessary and I would argue that it's not healthy because we, with the same time we having, we need to survive and you know it just doesn't make sense to constantly feel like that. Could you imagine doing that when you are freaking, driving like you're, just do you know what I mean? It doesn't make any sense. You know you don't have. You need to be able to practice two kinds, the two kinds of being present, and know which one's important.

Speaker 1: 28:48

Obviously, when you're driving, when you're completing an important task, when you're playing a game, you need to engage in the stage one because you need to be thinking right, you need to be thinking about what's going on so you can solve the problem, or you can, you know, know where you're going, left or right. But the second one is is use that as the moments where you don't have to do that, use that as a way to wind down. But either way, they're both practical, they're both being present. They're just different depths of it. And then, just to remind you, the first stage is like you're still engaging in thought, right, and the second one is it's more visceral and it's more like emotional, like you're very in it, and sometimes they merge together. And so if you can really start to see that those two stages, it's gonna get much easier for you to actually become a present person and get into the now.

Speaker 1: 29:43

Okay, and just remember, getting into the deep now, the only difference between that and stage one of the now is simply just thought. When you are completely in the now, where it's like visceral, you're just feeling emotions, it's like you're just your emotions in that moment. You know you don't need to think, but don't feel like you're not that spiritual or you're not present enough if you still have thoughts. It's not true, you're still bloody spiritual, okay, it's just that. The difference is is you're just engaging in thought and that's totally fine. Just make sure the thoughts.

Speaker 1: 30:20

What determines whether someone's present or not is not having thought, it's what are your thoughts based on? Are they thoughts based on what's in front of you right now, or the problem you're currently right now solving, or is it based on the future and the past In a way that's not helpful? Okay, obviously that doesn't count. If you're journaling and the journaling prompt is what was your favorite thing that you did two years ago? That's different, I mean, like if it's just pointless and it's just random, you know. So, yeah, I think it's really important for us to have this conversation so that I can really help. You see that maybe you're more present than you are, or maybe other way around, maybe you're not as present as you thought, or maybe you just want to use this episode as a sort of guideline to get deeper into it, strengthen your ability to be present more.

Speaker 1: 31:13

I wanted to end this episode with sharing this very common question I've had. Seriously, I would be a freaking billionaire, I think, if I got a dollar for every time I was asked this question in the last decade and it's like okay, christina, so how do you expect me to be present if I have really important things that I can't forget, that it's bad to forget, and the examples that I would hear from the top of my mind? It'd be things like oh, like I really need to get this assignment done. I really need to complete these important tasks and projects for work. I need to do this for my kids, or whatever right? And they start telling me some you know, very important tasks. I don't argue with them and if this is you, and if you feel like this is also something that gets in the way from you being present, I'm going to share with you what I always would say to them and I'd say they are important and I'm not telling you to never do them. What I'm saying is that you need to learn how to manage them and how I would tell them to do. That is, I'm like you need to start making it a priority to actually have a conversation with yourself. Like there's just no way around it. Okay, doesn't matter how good of a memory you have or whatever the fuck. Like you need to make it a thing for you to be writing.

Speaker 1: 32:33

And most of these people, most people in general, don't fucking write. They don't write in any capacity or they hate it, not realizing that we have to write and it doesn't have to be. You know, a traditional journal, you know, but it has to be writing in some way, meaning like it's, either you're typing it on your phone, you know, or you're writing on a freaking sticky note. I don't care, but you need to start writing shit down, because our brain thrives on that. Yeah, it's, it cannot, you gotta remember? Our brain is archaic. It is designed for, you know, literally being a caveman, and we're living in a very sophisticated modern world with really ancient technology, which is our brain, okay. And so that means that our brain is not really, it hasn't evolved yet into being people who have internet, laptops, netflix, nine to five jobs, businesses, five kids, a partner having being fashionistas and going to cafes. Like that's not what our brain signed up for, okay. So there's just no way around it other than you acknowledging that that's, that's what it is Our brain.

Speaker 1: 33:52

Naturally, the only time that I would say that you don't really need to write, you don't need to practice discipline around your like taking care of your mind would be is if you, if you were living in a rainforest and you didn't have a nine to five job, you were off grid completely and your only problem was literally getting food and surviving and sleeping. Like that is really, you know, like that's just not a thing, and so we need to actually adapt into the sophisticated world that we live in right now, and there is a way to do it. Our brain is very intelligent, but we got to give our brain that guidance, because it can't do it without us. Ok, it's a slave to us, but if we don't do anything with our power, our brain is going to do its best and it's not going to be very much in your favor. So one of my point is if you have a lot of things in your mind that like, please really listen to me, ok, take anything away from it.

Speaker 1: 34:48

You have to start prioritizing a conversation with yourself. It can be in a journal, it can be in a diary, it can be in a sticky note, it can be in a freaking mirror of a whiteboard marker, I do not care, but it needs. You need to start having conversations, conversations yourself through, through writing or like, at the very least you know voice-re-note yourself. But there needs to be a conversation. Yeah, because that's just how our brain works. Some of us need it more than others, but everyone needs to have some sort of organizational system, and it doesn't have to be complicated, it can just literally be on a piece of paper. You know, do this project, pick up this from the grocery store, get this for my friend, write it all out, you know, have it there. And what this does is it frees up your mind, ok, and it gives you that peace of mind that you're not going to forget those important things. You know, it really is the game changer, and I'm going to quickly tell you why.

Speaker 1: 35:45

There's a psychological mechanism that we all have called the Zygarnik effect, and what this means is that our brain, essentially, will remember every single unfinished task. This includes every breakup question you've had. Every time your ex broke up with you and never told you why. Every single time you were ghosted, every single time you had an idea and never did the idea. You do realize you have that many tabs in your brain. Your brain will remember every single unfinished task.

Speaker 1: 36:15

And then we sit there and we wonder why we can't focus and we blame everything on ADHD, when it's not even that sometimes. Sometimes it is, but sometimes it's just literally you've got too much junk in your mind and you need to clean it up, you need to declutter. Of course you can't be present. Of course you can't meditate. Of course you can't, you know, listen to people or you can't remember things. Of course your memory sucks. You know it's.

Speaker 1: 36:38

I want you to see it like logically and not not make it about you Don't shame yourself anymore when you struggle with the presence. I want you to be like oh, it makes sense. It's like two plus two equals four. No shit, I've got so much shit in my mind. My brain has this Zygarnik effect, meaning it will remember every single unfinished task, whether it's a real task or not, even if it's a question you had 10 years ago that you never had. It's all in there, it's stuck in there, you know.

Speaker 1: 37:01

So you've got to create a system and all, and the system does not have to be complicated one more time.

Speaker 1: 37:06

You'd be on a sticky note, it can be on notepad, but what I'm going to invite you to do is, every single day, just for the first two weeks it has to be a bit more at the beginning just start writing out everything that's cluttered in your mind, just dropping it on paper, right, and, and then practice your presence.

Speaker 1: 37:25

And then, with this presence, now you're going to increase your entire intelligence, you're going to be more regulated, you're going to be better at making decisions and you might actually execute those tasks that you have swinging, swimming and swinging in your mind with a lot of ease, right, and it's just, your life is going to improve. Okay, so that's just something I wanted to leave with you and you know, I hope you really enjoyed this episode, guys, like I really wanted you to find this really practical, very, really helpful, so that you know you can start applying these tools and methods into your life right away, because I don't think there's a bigger tragedy, you know, than even thinking about getting to the end of our lives when we're 90 or 80 or 120. Who knows, right? And and looking back on our life and feeling like we fucking missed it, like I really don't think there's a bigger tragedy than that, you know.

Speaker 1: 38:22

And and the way that we can prevent that from happening is to master being present, and the way we do that is by getting good at simply letting go of thoughts that are irrelevant to our present moment. That's it. Just let them go, so trying to hold on to them and be attached to them, and if they're actually thoughts that are important and their tasks that you need to complete and that's amazing Just fucking write them down so that you can free up your brain, so then your brain can do what it does best, and it's that is, to simply enjoy your life. Okay, I promise it's going to be the best gift that you give yourself. Okay, guys, so much love until next time, bye.