Are you on a quest for that elusive state of fulfillment, chasing it in material successes and societal accolades? You might be looking in the wrong places. Join me, Christina Modaffari, on a transformative journey as we peel back the layers of what it really means to be fulfilled. Today's episode is a deep dive into the art of finding contentment within ourselves, beyond the shiny trappings of external validation. We unpack the concept of closure from within and leverage the Zeigarnik effect to manage our mental space, paving the way for genuine satisfaction. It's time to redefine fulfillment and recognize that it's not held in the hands of others but cultivated in the tranquility of our own minds.
Embark on a path to core confidence, where emotional regulation and clear decision-making are your compasses to inner peace. Together, we'll navigate the skills necessary to maintain a sense of serenity and achieve true fulfillment. Sharing personal stories and engaging with our vibrant live Instagram audience, we shine a light on how anyone, at any point in their life, can access this profound state of being. This episode is more than just conversation—it's the toolkit you need for empowerment. Find out how self-awareness and the peace you foster within are the keystones to living a life brimming with fulfillment.
Are you on a quest for that elusive state of fulfillment, chasing it in material successes and societal accolades? You might be looking in the wrong places. Join me, Christina Modaffari, on a transformative journey as we peel back the layers of what it really means to be fulfilled. Today's episode is a deep dive into the art of finding contentment within ourselves, beyond the shiny trappings of external validation. We unpack the concept of closure from within and leverage the Zeigarnik effect to manage our mental space, paving the way for genuine satisfaction. It's time to redefine fulfillment and recognize that it's not held in the hands of others but cultivated in the tranquility of our own minds.
Embark on a path to core confidence, where emotional regulation and clear decision-making are your compasses to inner peace. Together, we'll navigate the skills necessary to maintain a sense of serenity and achieve true fulfillment. Sharing personal stories and engaging with our vibrant live Instagram audience, we shine a light on how anyone, at any point in their life, can access this profound state of being. This episode is more than just conversation—it's the toolkit you need for empowerment. Find out how self-awareness and the peace you foster within are the keystones to living a life brimming with fulfillment.
Welcome back to another episode of the Hot Genius podcast. I'm your host, christina Modafari, and I am incredibly, incredibly passionate more than usual, which is a really hard thing to be, because I'm really passionate, but today is like Christina's passion is on steroids. Okay, and this episode is going to be about what it takes to be fulfilled and not just be fulfilled, but what it takes to be fulfilled by you staying exactly who you are, without you achieving more, without you looking better, without you making more money, without you having a better home. Like for you to be fulfilled just as you are. So are we ready? Or are we ready Because you just think get real close, get comfortable, bring in your coffee or your tea or your cocktail, whatever you're into, if you're in the car, please enjoy it, because you're going to enjoy this ride, all right. So what it takes to actually be fulfilled, just as you are, is actually understanding that, first of all, to be fulfilled is not what people think. Let's talk about what people think it is versus what it really is, because how can we truly become something that we can't even understand or articulate with clarity? Right, hi, thanks for joining. Have any questions? Let me know. I'm currently recording this episode live on Instagram, by the way, changing things up a little bit. But anyway, as I was saying, people think that fulfillment is something that you feel and you get when you are hotter, when you have a better body, when you have a dream home, when you have that dream car, dream career, success, fame, etc. Etc. But to be fulfilled has nothing to do with how much money is in your bank accounts, with how little or much trauma you have, with how successful you are in your career. It has nothing to do with it. In fact, if you look at the dictionary meaning of the word fulfilled, it actually says that it is to be able to be satisfied with who you are as a character. That's it. It has nothing to do with what car you drive, how many qualifications you have and how successful you are.
Speaker 1:
Let's begin there. What it takes to be fulfilled is, once again, understanding what it is versus what it is not. So, now that we know that, let's talk about what you have to do, what it actually takes for you to get there. Well, step one is that you need to have inner peace. Step two, you need to have clarity. You need to know where you're going, who you really are and what the fuck you want out of life. And number three, you need to have confidence and control over yourself and your life. But how do we do that? So let's go over them all.
Speaker 1:
Inner peace Well, the way to get inner peace, despite popular opinion, isn't necessarily from going up into a mountain and meditating for 41 years in a cave. That's not how you get inner peace, because if you were to do that and you came back into the real world, you're not at peace anymore, which means that peace is not something that you want to have. That is completely determined by where you are. You want to be able to feel at peace no matter where you are. Are you with me, like, do you agree? And for those watching this live, let me know what do you think? What are your thoughts? Wouldn't you rather have inner peace, no matter what chaos you're in, no matter what circumstances are happening or taking place in your life, no matter what you go through? Wouldn't you prefer that? And how do we actually have inner peace without going to a cave and meditating like a monk for 41 years? Well, it's actually quite simple. It's called closure. When you can have closure, all those unanswered questions, all of those open tabs that are just lingering in your mind, in your emotions. If you can get closure and you can come full circle, you get inner peace. And you don't just get it once, you get it forever, regardless of what happens to you. One of the comments are honestly yeah, inner peace sounds nice right now. Right, if you have anything you want to elaborate on that, let me know. If there's any questions about inner peace, if that's what we're up to right now, let me know. I'm sure a listener you know what a view listener is, part of the hot genius game might have the same question Right, and so to gain closure?
Speaker 1:
Most people think that to gain closure, we must wait for that person to give us an explanation for their behavior, for why they hurt us. Or people think that we need to wait for an apology to have that closure. Or people think they need to have a diagnosis, or they need to have a literal answer, aka. Most people believe that in order to get closure, it has nothing to do with their own self-control and everything to do with something outside of them, such as another person, another professional, whatever else. But what if I told you that you can get closure, aka inner peace by yourself, on your own, without anyone, and once again, you did not have to go up in the mountain and pray and meditate in a cave. What if I told you that you could do that, that you're that powerful. And let me explain a little bit about that.
Speaker 1:
When you take away the emotion just for a moment and you view humans objectively, what you'll know is that there's this thing called, that is a gynec effect Zygonyx spout Z I, e, g A R N I C effect. This is just a weird word to describe a psychological phenomenon that describes the human's brain ability to Be hyper aware of every single unfinished task. What this means is that, let's say, you have to Pick up the kids at 3 pm, you have to send off your tax return, so your accountant at this certain date, and a million other things. Let's say that you have to do all these things as a survival mechanism. The human brain Make sure that every unfinished task is stuck at the front of your mind so you get them done because your brain, through evolution, believe that well, if we don't finish these important tasks, we might die.
Speaker 1:
But what happens when one of your unfinished tasks, so to speak, is why did my ex cheat on me? Or why did my parents never show up to my dancing concerts when I was 12? Can you imagine every single question you've ever wondered about throughout your whole entire life that you've never gotten closure on? Imagine how many questions you have lingering in your mind and remember. The human brain has evolved in a way where, if you do not get closure on every unfinished task which includes questions, because your brain considers that a task Can you imagine how many things are running through your mind without you realizing that's causing you anything but peace?
Speaker 1:
Do you see now why, if you remove the emotion for a moment, that having inner peace, the solution to that, what it takes is to actually get closure. And to have closure Is not to go and wait for people to give you an apology. It's understanding that the human brain Will always remember Every unfinished task and question once again, if you ever wondered why did my ex leave me? Why did they cheat on me? Why did this thing happen to me? Why do I have weird thoughts about this situation and whatever other question you have, that's the opposite of inner peace. Tell me what you, what do you think? Isn't that the actual definition of overwhelm and chaos, to have that many things lingering in your energy field, in your mind. So do you see now that when you simply know how to give yourself closure, you will quite literally relieve most of your chaos? And this is the best news. To get closure, you don't even necessarily need to have an answer to questions, philosophical questions or questions that you aren't in control of, such as why did my ex cheat on me? You can get closure without getting a literal answer to that question.
Speaker 1:
The second thing, the second thing of what it takes to be fulfilled, to be just as you are, without you having more, being more, buying more, is clarity. And how do we truly gain clarity? How do we get direction and know exactly who we are and who we're not, and what we want out of life and what we don't want out of life? It's simple. It's to actually realize that you have the power to create your identity and to further explore that our identity is completely linked to our future. I'm going to say that again Our identity is linked to our future, and the best news is or it's bittersweet, depends how you look at it is that 99% of people did not actually choose their identity.
Speaker 1:
It was bestowed upon them through the accumulation of their life experiences. But the best part of that is that you can choose your identity, and a lot of people get weird about this. They think that if you were to create an identity, that's you trying to be anything but yourself. It's inauthentic, or you're trying to be someone else, and that's a fair, valid concern to have. But what people don't realize is that when you create your own identity, you, as the conscious creator, that is the most authentic version of you. Who you want and choose to be is literally the most authentic, real version of you, because you chose it and, despite popular opinion, who you have been if the parts of who you have been you're not happy with, you probably didn't choose it, and that's okay. Now, obviously this doesn't count. The core of who you are Personality is a whole subject in itself for another episode. But all in all, the most truest, authentic version of you is the version of you you want and choose to be. Write that down Because our identity is again completely linked to our future. In fact, that's how I used to predict people's behaviors and I was right 99% of the time. It's almost mathematical how we are and we have the power to change that and when we know how to use our identity in our favor and actually choose our actual, authentic identity, which remember links to our future and what we want out of life.
Speaker 1:
Well, in the experience of that whole thing, you gain clarity through that process. And if you want to dig deeper into clarity, listen to the episode of the show, episode 33. It's called how to gain clarity and make big life decisions. I highly recommend that episode if you want to dig deeper into clarity. But for the sake of what it takes to be fulfilled, clarity and direction very important. And the last part of what it takes to be fulfilled Is being in control of yourself and having the confidence to truly show up as you, not just confidence in the.
Speaker 1:
There's different layers of confidence. I don't just mean the shallow external things that you show to the world. That's awesome. We need that, but I'm talking like confidence underneath everything else. That's called core confidence. And how we get that is we need to be competent.
Speaker 1:
And the only way we can get competent in being in control is to know how do I regulate my mood swings? Why do I have them? How do I stop mood swings? How do I deal with panic attacks? What do I do when someone else is having a panic attack? How do I deal with that? What do I do when I feel like shit and I feel like giving up?
Speaker 1:
Like, how do I regulate that?
Speaker 1:
Is there something wrong with me?
Speaker 1:
How do I make a big life decision with confidence and clarity? How do I raise my energy? How do I increase my happiness baseline? How do I regulate my nervous system? How do I expand my window of tolerance, which just means how well your body naturally reacts to stress? All of those things, all of those things. They're skills, and if you can have the skills, then of course you're gonna be in control of yourself. And when you can feel in control of your emotions, of your mind, of your vibe, on how you respond to situations, no matter how difficult they are, then you have confidence.
Speaker 1:
Because, again, when you're in control of yourself, the next thing that leads with that, that follows, that is that you finally feel in control of your life, the best that a human can. Anyway, you are in control, as much a human is possibly able to be in control. So what does it take to be fulfilled just as you are? It takes inner peace, and you get inner peace by getting closure, and to gain closure efficiently is to know how to give it to yourself on demand, without depending on anyone else to give it to you. It's having clarity on who you are and what you want. And you figure out who you are and what you want by creating an identity that you choose, not someone else chose for you, not something that you just adapted into because you had to. And, lastly, confidence in controlling yourself, being in control of yourself and your life. If you can have inner peace and you can have clarity in who you are and what you want, and you can be in control of your mind, body and spirit, you will be fulfilled.
Speaker 1:
And remember, you don't need more money, more qualifications, more jobs, more success, more achievement to be fulfilled. In fact, if you do not believe me, I invite you to consider this for yourself. Don't take my word for it. Take your own word for it. Take your own word for it. How many, how many rich and famous people through the history of time, when they became at their most successful versions of themselves, felt emptier than ever before, escaped to drugs, went through severe mental illness spells and just truly suffered? How many? There's so many people, and it's because fulfillment has, again, nothing to do with achievement.
Speaker 1:
The skills that you have used to succeed in any area of your life is not the same skills required for you to be fulfilled, for you to be satisfied in who you are. They are two different ball games, and I figured that out by accident, no-transcript. What I mean by that is well, I grew up in poverty. I struggled with a lot of survival things in my life, yet how I discovered this originally. What made me so passionate about this was like why do I feel fulfilled at all, though? Because I don't have any reason to, but I do. That set me on a journey and, don't get me wrong, it wasn't black or white. Me understanding was sharing what I'm sharing with you in today's episode.
Speaker 1:
This was a long process, and I do what I do because it doesn't have to take 15 years to be fulfilled. You get to learn the simplest way to get there, to be fulfilled. Once again, you do not need any more money, you don't need to have more abs, you don't need a better car, you don't need a better house None of that. Once again, the people who achieve the highest level of fame and success they feel empty. Jim Carrey even said that quote. I wish that everyone could be rich and famous so that they could understand that it's not the answer. How many famous and successful people kind of go a bit loopy after a while? Because, as Tony Robbins says, success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure. And it's because people learn that the hard way.
Speaker 1:
Once again, because being fulfilled is something that is in your control right now. It was in your control last week and it's going to always be in your control. But just like if you had a million dollars stashed underneath your bed right now but you had no idea it was there, you didn't know how to access that million dollars and that money is useless. Your fulfillment is no different. Your power is no different. It is useless if you don't know how to access it. But as long as you know that what it takes to be fulfilled is to have inner peace, and you get inner peace by giving yourself closure, by learning the skills to do that. The second thing is to have clarity in who you are and what you want out of life, and the way you do that is you choose who you are, your identity, because your identity is completely linked to your future. And, lastly, it's to be in control of yourself, of your mind, your body, your spirit, your emotions, your vibe, and you do that through simply learning skills. You're that powerful.
Speaker 1:
And to those watching live on Instagram, if you have any questions, drop them down in the comments. I'd love to answer them for you. Like I said earlier, this episode surely one of the listeners in the hot genius gang going to have the same question as you, so you'll be doing them a service if you were to ask a question, if that's something that's resonating with you. But I wanted to wrap up this episode by letting you know that you do not have to learn this valuable lesson the hard way. You don't have to wait until you're 70 years old, where you, let's say, achieved everything you ever dreamt of, and feel empty. You don't have to go down that route. You really don't. I truly believe that my life was the perfect training ground to teach this, and it's truly my calling. I do not want you to suffer in ways that you just don't have to suffer in, and if this is something, if this work is calling you, if this is something that you're like fuck, this is calling my name, like I want to go deeper in this, then I'm going to put the link into the description of the show notes below and I'd love to have you in the sim Academy.
Speaker 1:
Sim Academy stands for stress, intelligence mastery Academy, and it is all about the things that we spoke about in this episode. It's condensing 10 years of work into like months. Yeah, it's like you get lifetime access to it. If you enroll by the end of this month, you also get three. Wait one, two, three. You get five months bonus group coaching where you get access to me. We get to workshop together, really dig deep into your own individual situations.
Speaker 1:
I'm going to offer a really good special for those, for the listeners I'm going to again. I'm going to target all in the show notes below. If that's something that's calling your name, check it out. Seriously, there's nothing like this out there. It is everything that I ever learned and I've trialled and erred, and not just on me. It worked on my clients. I used to be a therapist and not one anymore, but you can't take the therapist out of me. That's stuff that I've condensed. I've had students say to me that they learned more, they grew more, they loved themselves more and they felt more confident in the one month in the academy than they felt three years in therapy.
Speaker 1:
Okay, because it doesn't have to be hard and it doesn't have to be this whole overdramatic big thing. It can just be so simple, it can be fun and you can do it with ease and you don't have to do it alone. You have a community to support you. So thank you so much for listening to this episode. I hope that you got a lot of value out of this. Please DM me on Instagram, at Christina Modafari, or at the podcast's Instagram, which is at Hot Genius Society, if you have any questions, any topics you'd like me to dive deeper into for future episodes. I always welcome in all suggestions and concerns and whatever else. I love you so much. Please send this episode to someone who you feel like will benefit from this. This is really important information and I can't build this community on my own and I could really really use your support in you sharing this with someone that you care about so much. Love. I'll see you in the next one. Bye.